My novel writing has begun, and I need feedback. Here are the first few scenes. How does it read?

Feel free to write me here in comments or on Instagram or email! I look forward to hearing from you.

~ OSH 📖☀️❤️

——-

United States – Present Day

“Mr. and Mrs. Stevenson, thank you for coming in today.” Patrick and Alisha looked at each other with worried looks, both knowing that an opening like that did not usually follow with good news.

“Have you found out what is wrong with our Lexi? Will we be able to take her home soon?”

Dr. Pang put up a hand to stop Alisha from asking too many questions before he had a chance to answer them. From his experience, he knew that it was better to start slowly and provide a sense of control to the parents when breaking any kind of news about their children.

“Let’s go slowly and do one question at a time, shall we? Please, your first question.”

Alisha nodded and took a breath. Patrick started for her, “Do you know what is wrong with our daughter?” 

“We do not yet have definitive results, but at the moment it looks as if there’s a high possibility that Lexi has Acute Childhood Leukemia.” He knew better than to pretty up such an announcement, so Dr. Pang gave it straight and then paused to let it sink in.

Alisha inhaled quickly holding her breath afraid to let it go along with any other emotions that were threatening to surface in response to what she had just heard. Patrick grabbed her hand as comfort for himself as much as for her and switched on his rational voice that she knew he used when they had arguments. 

“OK… Can you explain what that is and what it means?”

“Well, I don’t want to go into it too much yet, at least until we have all the test results back. However, the overview is that it is a type of cancer in the blood. Basically, Lexi’s blood cells are not working properly to create healthy bone marrow for her growth. This is what is causing her to bruise and feel sick.

Until we know for sure, I cannot yet say what it means in terms of treatment and next steps. However, I wanted to prepare you ahead of time so there are no surprises if the results confirm my initial suspicions, and I want you to know that we will put together a specialized team including myself to work with you both and Lexi on her treatment plan.”

Having momentarily gotten control of her emotions and focusing on the practicalities, Alisha rejoined the conversation.

“So, what should we be doing now?”

“First, remain calm and as normal as you can when you are around Lexi. It is important that she feels positive, supported, and cared for throughout the entire time. I know that may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many parents forget that it is the child who is sick.” Dr. Pang smiled somewhat sadly. “Then, for the time being, I would highly recommend that you contact blood relatives to come in and get tested as possible bone marrow matches in the event that we need to consider a transplant.”

“Oh… and what do we do if I don’t have any blood relatives I can contact?” asked Alisha. 

“Well, then we will go with what we can get, and then if needed, there is a list we can go to for potential donors.” replied Dr. Pang sympathetically understanding the unspoken concern.

“Thank you, Doctor. Then, we will start there and wait for the results to confirm or refute what you’ve told us.” Patrick looked at Alisha to confirm that she was okay to leave things at that for the moment. She slightly nodded in response as her mind started to drift to an email she had been ignoring from a few months ago.

——

Dear Mrs. Stevenson,

Thank you for your inquiry regarding your adoption through the Social Welfare Society of Korea. We have looked at your file and are in the process of reaching out to your birth mother or her family as provided on your documents. Once we hear something, we will let you know.

We must advise you in advance that often birth families, especially mothers, refuse to admit to having had a child in the past. In many cases, the families of the birth parents are not even aware that there was a child. Therefore, please be prepared for the fact that you may not be able to connect with them as we must protect the rights of the birth families as well.

Again, we will be in touch if there is any news.

Sincerely,

Ms. Kim
Social Worker

Just a couple of weeks later, Alisha had received a follow up email. 

Dear Mrs. Stevenson,

As promised, we are contacting you to let you know that we have had a response from the Park family.

We spoke with Mrs. Park, who would be your birth grandmother, but she has stated that her daughter would not have been old enough to have had a child at the age provided for your birthmother on the paperwork. She also says that there is no way that she wouldn’t know about a possible grandchild. So, unfortunately, we are sorry to inform you that she has refused to allow contact.

However, we have found information regarding the siblings of Ms. Park and one has agreed to speak with you. Her name is Park JungHo, who now lives in Hawaii with her family. She married an American and has two children. If you are interested in reaching out to her, please let us know and we will confirm that it is ok to share her contact details.

Sincerely,

Ms. Kim
Social Worker

Alisha had been stunned by the news and had not expected to get it so soon about her possible birth family. Although she had always had an inkling that it might be easy enough to find her Korean family, she had never really considered it until one of her childhood adoptee friends had suggested that she try it. Finally giving in to the curiosity of her origins and having an underlying desire to be able to share some family history with her own daughter, Alisha had dug out her paperwork and gotten in touch with her Korean adoption agency. 

The responses had come so quickly that she responded without giving herself time to think and process. Instead, she soon got in touch with Park JungHo and after a few conversations they had agreed to do a DNA test before committing to family catch-ups. Despite JungHo’s supporting claim that it didn’t seem possible that her sister would have had a baby without anyone knowing it, she was still willing to let DNA confirm whether or not it was true since it wasn’t possible to ask her sister, Park BoonHyo, directly, for reasons she didn’t want to share.

So, they had done a test. It was that email with the results that Alisha had been unable to process and take any further action about. She decided to leave it to later. Well, later had come.

——

South Korea – Present Day

“Um, excuse me, Suga-nim, I’m sorry to disturb you, but your mother is on the phone.” The assistant bowed at the door as ChoHee looked up from the report she was reading. 

“Alright, Yujin-shi, thank you. I’ll take it now.” With a nod, Yujin closed the door to return to her desk.

Quickly picking up the phone, ChoHee politely engaged with her mother, “Hello, Omma. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, ttal. I hope that everything is going alright at work?”

“Of course, Omma.” ChoHee was thankful her mother could not see her roll her eyes on the phone. She knew that her mother did not approve of her being a business woman taking over the Suga Corporation from her father when he retired a couple of years ago, but she had known when she was young that this was her path despite both of her parents best attempts to dissuade her. She had been working in the company since she graduated university with a business degree, gone on to do her MBA, and unlike her father, had started from the bottom up so that she would know everything about the organization. 

Still, young Korean women in the 1970’s did not become corporate executives, let alone head of one of the largest South Korean companies that was heavily involved in the rebuilding of the country after the three-year Korean War of 1950 that was still only in a treaty-state rather than actually ended. However, as one of the chaebol families that were involved in the large industries and government responsible for the recovery of South Korea, the Sugas did not have any other choice as ChoHee was their only child. Although she had worked her way up, everyone knew who she was and that she was the obvious heir to the top.

ChoHee had made some compromises to her parents, though, by agreeing to marry the second son of another chaebol family, who took on the Suga family name as was common when a family did not have a son. Together, she and YoungChun had a respectful and amicable marriage, though neither were sure if they could say they were ‘in love’ with the other. They had two healthy and happy children who were adored by both of their parents. However, no one except her parents and their housekeeper knew that she had once been truly in love with someone else.

“ChoHee? Did you hear me?” Forcing herself to pay attention to what her mother was saying, ChoHee replied.

“Yes, Omma, we will all be there on Saturday for Oppa’s birthday party. I’ll be sure to remind YoungChun to prepare his speech.” It was her father’s 70th birthday that weekend and her mother had been preparing a big party for months. If they had had a son, it would have been his duty to throw the party, but without one it was left to her mother to do most of the organizing and her husband to fulfill some of the roles. ChoHee did her best to help as well, but she had her hands full with the business and children. 

“Also, ttal, …” there was an unusual pause from her mother.

“What is it, Omma?”

“We’ve had to invite Park KyungSun. It would have been rude to not include him on the invitations given his role in the Suga Corporation with your father. It would have been obvious if he hadn’t been since your father wanted to invite everyone who has helped over the years….”

“OK, it’s fine. It’s not like I haven’t seen him before in recent years. We still have dealings with him and Lee Construction after all.” ChoHee worked hard to keep her voice controlled and dismissive with her breath steady. In truth, she had not had any direct contact with him for many years.

“Alright… well, I just wanted to let you know so that you were not surprised. It is important that there are no problems and that this birthday party goes smoothly.”

“Yes, Omma.” ChoHee understood the underlying message from her mother. “I need to go now, but we will see you on Saturday.”

With that, ChoHee let out her breath as she hung up the phone. So, she was going to potentially be face to face with Park KyungSun again after all these years. She got up from her desk and looked out of her office glass windows overlooking the Gangnam district of the country’s capital city.

—

They had last met in the cover of darkness to say their final good-byes. Although they knew that it wouldn’t be the last time they would see each other as her family’s business was now intertwined with his, they had promised to sever their connection for both of their futures. 

Aside from occasional nods in passing between business meetings, they had moved on with their lives keeping their promise. He knew that she had married and had children with her husband, but while there had been women in and out of his life, he had never been able to find someone else to love enough to commit to and have children with. Besides, Park KyungSun’s business was not conducive to a normal domestic lifestyle. 

For almost 15 of the last 30 years, KyungSun had been leading the Lee faction in Seoul. His mentor, Lee, had finally been able to cross the DMZ to reunite with his family in the North and had decided to stay there after smuggling over enough money to take care of them all. Not everyone had been pleased by KyungSun’s move into full power even though it had not necessarily been a surprise to anyone. After all, he had been groomed for it since Lee had first seen him in the taekwondo dojang as a young teen. Still, over the years, KyungSun had layers of scars from various challengers who wanted to dethrone him as the hyung-nim of the Myeongdeong gang. 

On rare occasions, he allowed himself a moment to wonder at what life might have been like if he and ChoHee had been able to let their love continue to grow. However, this indulgence often led him to long nights with bottles of soju and an inevitable fight that allowed him to channel his frustrations for a life un-lived. 

This weekend would be the first time that he would potentially be forced to have a conversation with her since that sad dark night nearly four decades ago. He would have normally politely refused the invitation, but it would have been far too conspicuous to not be present at one of the most important chaebol families’ celebrations. Things were tense as it was within his faction as the government was starting to put pressure on them to disband or go into hiding as it was no longer fashionable for organizations to outwardly support the activities of the kkangpae, even though they still were needed to maintain protection for their businesses or even influencing certain political decisions. However, Lee Construction had been supporting Suga Corporations for years now and together they had worked toward bringing South Korea into the international economies. Still, the rival factions needed an outlet for their fears and blaming KyungSun for not being able to better control the government and its decisions was a favorite of theirs.

KyungSun had heard that ChoHee had finally taken over her father’s position and wondered if that meant if they would be seeing more of each other. He hoped so.

—

South Korea – 1970s

ChoHee had passed by her father’s office just as their meeting was ending, so she was waiting in the waiting room. KyungSun was there as a top representative for a growing construction company that her father was considering working with to contribute to the economic development of Seoul as a way of raising its profile in the world. The effects of the Korean War were still being felt and the now South Korean government was getting help from US advisors on how to build itself back up.

Although ChoHee had seen many of her father’s contacts come and go from meeting rooms, there was something strikingly different about KyungSun when he walked out. One obvious factor was that he was very young. Most of the men Suga dealt with were either as old or older than him at worst, and just barely younger at best. However, KyungSun looked like he was closer to her young age of 21. What could he possibly be meeting her father for? was her first thought. The next was he’s very easy on the eyes! A little bit embarrassed by her second thought, she quickly dropped her eyes when he passed by hoping that he hadn’t been able to read her mind. 

Stepping into the meeting room knowing that her father must still be inside, “Oppa, WHO was that and what were you meeting him for?”

Slightly amused by his daughter’s inquisition, Suga stoically replied “That was Park KyungSun-nim and he is an up and coming top representative for Lee Construction. The what, nettal (my daughter) is business and not for you to concern yourself with.”

“But, Oppa! You know that I want to understand your business; and it isn’t always going to be a man’s world, you know?!”

“ChoHee-ah, you exasperate me! When and IF the time is ever right, I will teach you what you need to know about the business, but there is time. You are only just starting your studies in business. You still have a lot to learn, and it isn’t lady-like for a woman to know too much. Your first concern is to find a good husband to pass on our lineage.”

Sighing, “Yes, abeoji, I know…, but I want to be more than just a wife and mother.”

Smiling again at his daughter and wishing she had been a son as it would have made things easier for both of them, “We all have important roles to play in the rebuilding of our country, nettal, yours is to be a wife and mother. If we are lucky, you’ll also be able to find a place in the business. Just be patient.”

With a nod and a smile that was meant to express her faith in her father’s words, ChoHee bowed politely and changed the subject. “Omma wants to know if you’ll be home for dinner because you didn’t tell her before you left this morning. I promised to ask you on my way home from classes and to pick up some things from the market if you say… Yes?” She tilted her head at her father as a nonverbal plea that he make it home for dinner.

“I’m sorry, but I have agreed to have dinner with Park KyungSun and the head of Lee Construction tonight so that we can move forward with a potential contract. I’ll be late, so please let your mother know that she shouldn’t wait up for me.”

Disappointed, but understanding it was the norm with her father’s work, ChoHee turned on her heels and waved “OK, Oppa! See you later, then! Say Hello to Park KyungSun for me,” she turned her head back with a wink.

Knowing that it was totally inappropriate to say or do such a thing, she quickly got on the elevator whose doors, fortunately, just opened upon her arrival. Her father sighed and shook his head as he walked back to his office ignoring any subtle looks directed his way by others in the office who had just seen his daughter’s misbehavior.

—

It was by chance the second time they crossed paths. He had stopped by a food stall on his way to meeting her father and she had also stopped at the same stall on her way to classes at the university. 

At first, she hadn’t noticed him as her only thought was on food. Waking up late and rushing to get ready hadn’t left her enough time to eat a proper breakfast and catch her train. She knew she had just enough time to stop for a quick bowl of tteokbokki before her first class. 

“Kamsahaminida,” she thanked the vendor as she passed over a few won in exchange for her bowl of spicy rice cakes. “Yum!” ChoHee said aloud.

“Hungry, were you?” came an amused voice from next to her.

“Oh! Hi, it’s you! Park KyungSun of Lee Construction, isn’t it? You were in my father’s office, right? Oh, I really can’t stay and talk, I have to get to class.” She quickly questioned and then shared.

With an amused look that matched his voice, Park KyungSun paid for his own bowl of tteokbokki and began to walk with her. “I didn’t catch your name the other day.”

“Cho..Hee” she mumbled as she chewed.

“It’s nice to meet you – again. What are you studying?”

“Mmm … business… first year… I’m going to be late – again… here! Hope to see you again!” ChoHee pushed her empty bowl of spicy rice cakes into Park KyungSun’s hand and ran off with a wave. He was left staring at her with a wide grin on his face.

—

KyungSun had noticed Suga’s daughter as he stepped out of the meeting room and was struck by her poise, straight dark hair, perfectly tailored dress, and eyes that could not hide her curiosity and intelligence. Although he had seen many perfectly refined girls in his business dealings before, there was something about ChoHee that intrigued him – perhaps it was the quick dropping of her eyes as if to hide some mischievous thought. Their first crossing of paths had been brief, but when he ran into her the second time by chance, he knew that there was something at work that he couldn’t ignore. In a big city like Seoul it was difficult to run into someone by chance; granted he was heading toward her father’s office, but still. 

He knew he would be late to his meeting with her father when he decided to join her on the way to her university, but he felt it was something he was supposed to do. However, when she shoved her empty bowl of tteokbokki into his hands and ran off, he was as disappointed as he was amused at her spirit and gall. He realized that she was used to people looking after her and yet she did it with such ease that it didn’t seem spoiled. 

Dropping both empty bowls into a garbage and heading toward Suga’s office, KyungSun wondered about this curious girl who had suddenly entered his universe. He sensed that something significant was about to happen in his life.

KyungSun had always been in tune with signs presented to him by some greater force. As a young boy, he knew that he was destined to become someone important. Using his boyish charm, he would sneak into theaters to watch old films about martial arts and fighting. One day, he passed a taekwondo dojang that he had never noticed before. On another day, he met the master who had spontaneously asked him to get some cigarettes from the small corner shop. After that, the master had asked him if he was interested in becoming a student. That night, he convinced his parents to let him take taekwondo lessons from the master, though it was a fairly unknown martial art, in exchange for running the master’s errands since the Park family could not afford to pay for his training. In the post Korean War days, it was a luxury to study a martial art when most people were struggling just to feed their families. 

However, KyungSun’s training started to pay off when a member of the Myeongdeong gang stopped by the dojang to collect “tax” and noticed both KyungSun’s young age as a third-level black belt and obedience to his master. Lee SungSoon offered young KyungSun a job running errands for him instead while agreeing to cover his costs for training at the dojang. It was an offer that he couldn’t refuse and so KyungSun began to learn about the kkangpae (mafia) world.

Through the protection and teaching of Lee SungSoon, KyungSun had been a diligent and loyal protege. Thanks to his fighting skills and intelligence, KyungSun had won respect of many kkangpae members both in the Myeongdeong gang and their rivals. The Park family had also gained in prosperity and status as a residual benefit from KyungSun’s skills, making them proud and grateful for their son. 

What made it all worth it, though, was KyungSun’s belief that he was contributing to the improvement of his country. His sacrifices would not be for nothing and he would be able to see the impact of his blood and sweat for years to come. 

So, when Lee decided to put him as the head of the project to build the next Suga Corporation building that would house many of the important chaebol families’ businesses, KyungSun was determined to make his name known while also trying to ideally make people forget any suggestion to his kkangpae connections, even though Lee Construction was heavily suspected to be directly involved in it. KyungSun knew that he could take advantage of his humble beginnings to make corporate heads feel as if they were seeing their impact in helping the youth prosper along with their developing nation. 

——

United States – Present Day

The form letter had unceremoniously announced that her DNA test results were in. Alisha had logged in thinking she knew what the results would show.

Your ancestry composition shows that you are 99.7% Korean. Your closest relative is a third cousin with 1.51% DNA shared.

“Wait, what?!” Alisha re-read the report. “That doesn’t make sense.” She flicked to JungHo’s report as she had signed her up on the same account. 

There was no DNA connection between them. Suddenly, all the years of confidence Alisha had carried with her about finding out where she was really from vanished. The paperwork that had been the thin foundation upon which she had based her sense of identity crumbled beneath her leaving her floating in the universe as an unknown. All those other adoptees she knew or had heard about with paperwork stamped with “Parents:  Unknown” were now no longer compatriots to be pitied, but those with whom to commiserate. 

This was the last thing that she had expected to discover and now she was kicking herself for not logging in to find this out sooner. 

A slow panic began to rise within her as she realized that she really had absolutely no one to ask as possible genetic donors for Lexi. She couldn’t even know if she was responsible for giving her daughter this condition. As her breath started to quicken, her vision began to blur. Knowing that she needed to get on the floor and into a child’s pose, Alisha quickly tried to refocus her attention on controlling her breath. Her yoga sessions were now paying off as she repeated, “Keep it together, Alisha”, breathing slowly in and out with her head between her knees and arms outstretched on the floor.

Alisha had gotten into yoga and mindfulness a few years ago when her group of mom-friends convinced her to start yoga at a nearby studio. Not wanting to be the odd-mom out, she attended yoga classes twice a week where the moms would whisper to one another before the classes started about the latest gossip or benchmark advances of their children in a passive aggressive competition to be a step ahead. Alisha was always glad when the classes started and she was free to just focus on her poses, align her mind and body as a temporary escape from the outside world. At the end of the classes, she would smile, join in on the light complaining about how tough the class was that day, rattle off about the endless errands she had to run, and promise to meet up for a coffee or lunch later in the week with quick air kisses and agreements to see everyone at the next yoga class, at least.

On her own, unbeknownst to the other moms, Alisha had looked up a course on mindfulness that her instructor had mentioned. Something about it seemed to attract her, so she had signed up for some online courses and incorporated it into her daily routine as much as she could. Sometimes the practice involved just paying attention to what she was eating or drinking as it didn’t always have to be sitting in quiet with her hands in a mudra. She even sometimes used it to keep herself calm whenever her in-laws came to visit.

When Lexi got sick, Alisha had missed a few classes. She tried to go to one last week but she found herself exhausted having to explain about the unknown of Lexi’s condition. Of course, all the moms were supportive and understanding, in words, but not many of them had followed through on their promises to call or visit after the first couple of days or so. She imagined them whispering about her, Patrick and Lexi in their pre-yoga-class gossip sessions with tuts of fake sympathy, but secret pleasure that it was not them going through this. Now, Alisha felt so far removed from that world and knew that she would likely never return to the yoga classes there. Still, at least she knew to breathe.